Lessons from the Lazy River

Who would have thought that the lazy river at my locaol pool could have taught me one of my MOST valuable life lessons. When you walk through that gate, towel in hand, a bag full of sunscreen AND suntan oil, your goal is to get your tan on....NOT be delivered from a life long way of processing the bumps and bruises the act of living throws at you. But this is exactly what happened to me a couple Summers ago when I was floating down my Local Lazy River. My breakthrough meant a lot to me then, but it means even MORE to me now considering the canSer diagnosis and other  "Bumps" life has thrown at me since.

Let me explain:

Here I was, just floating on my back with a clear inner-tube over my head. Yes. Picture that for a second. I am sure I looked CERTIFIABLE to most people in the pool, but OH WELL! It was comfy and I just can't be bothered with the judgement of other people. At least when it's not warranted, and me floating in my odd style was just my biz...no one else's! :) So there I am, floating on my back, all 500 or so lbs of me, my arms wrapped around a clear inner-tube. It's air filled walls of safety encircling my head, protecting it from bumps against the side of the pool. But that was about ALL it protected me from, and BOY was I getting MAD!!!

I kept getting tossed around by the current, smacked into this wall, my fingers grated against this one, shoved into a giant group of people who's kids had perfected the art of splashing and kicking strangers. Every second of my "Relaxing Lazy River Float" was pure torment, all because I couldn't control the flow of the river and where it was tossing me.

So I gave up.

I just stopped caring where it sent me.

I closed my eyes and just let the river take me where it wanted too.

What I found out during the next hour of float time really opened my mind to the way I dealt with life. I had always dealt with challenges in the same way I dealt with that stubborn lazy river, I would get ticked off at it and kick back! I would do my BEST to push AGAINST whatever it was that was pushing me. It was EXHAUSTING and I didn't enjoy one MINUTE of it! My whole life had been a series of moments I just HATED and they were ALL self induced!

While I floated there, working HARD at not letting the little bumps and splashes bother me, I realized how CALM I was. I realized the river is going in ONE direction, and no matter how much I kick or paddle, I am going to end up where that river did, with everyone else, so I might as well enjoy the ride and not let the little bumps, splashes and pile-ups bother me so much, it just wasn't worth it!! GO WITH THE FLOW was the lesson I took away that day. It has stuck with me ever since and has helped me decide in MANY situations how I should react. SOOOO grateful for that break through 2 years ago!

Fast forward to NOW! I have been thinking A LOT lately about what FAITH is. We all say, "JUST HAVE FAITH" or "I have FAITH that God will take care of it all!!" But what IS faith? Are we doing it right??

We know faith is a STRONG belief in something that is not tangible. Something unknown, that cannot be measured. Well, that to me sounds like my Lazy River!! I  had NO idea what I was going to bump into, no CLUE if I would get hurt or be challenged in some way. But what I DID know, is that the lazy river had a course, one that had been set into motion LONG before I got in the pool. There wasn't ANYTHING I could do to change it.

I started to see a pattern, and it began to make sense. Having FAITH is just going with the flow! You KNOW God has a plan for you. You have NO idea how that plan is going to end up, but you have two choices, you can whine and complain, kick against the pricks and make your journey down our river to eternity MISERABLE....OR you can just GO WITH THE FLOW! Find peace in the knowledge that your course is already set, and it's how you float that coarse that will determine if you have a happy life or not!

I KNOW I can find peace in this journey. The SECOND I stopped kicking back and crying at my situation and began to understand that the Lord loves me, he hears my prayers and the prayers of ALL of you that have so generously offered them up on my behalf. He KNOWS my heart. While taking the desires of my heart into consideration, he will guide me down the river. Sometimes he lets me hit a rock here, and a rapid there, but there is MUCH to learn in those situations. An education that could save my LIFE later on, or help MANY of those around me!

SO there ya have it. My most current break through. Faith is like a Lazy River! Give your worries up to God and just GO with the FLOW!! You will enjoy the ride a WHOLE lot more!!! :) (just wear a helmet sometimes)

xoxoxo to you all!!!
Thank you SO incredibly much for ALL of your Prayers and Support!! It means the WORLD to me!!

Peace, More Powerful Than Fight!

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about how I didn't like all this focus on FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT the canSer. It TOTALLY makes sense to me, don't get me wrong. When we are backed into a corner, the strongest do just that, they come out throwing punches. But when MY dust settled, and I had some time to think, that Rocky Balboa approach simply felt out of alignment with how I roll! I ALWAYS like to keep things VERY positive. I have not always succeeded, but every day I get better and better! I was able to take a good look at this concept when, totally out of the blue, my BFF Mindy brought up the EXACT same topic one night. Fight vs Peace: We talked for what seemed like HOURS about it, and other things I am sure. I came away knowing what I needed to do. It was time to change my focus. Since then, I have found people that share my "CRAZY" way of thinkin', and other people, some that are VERY CLOSE to me, that think I have given up! WHAAAAAT!???!! NO WAY!!! So here.... Let me explain!!

My journey had started out as a FIGHT for my life...but I really feel the canSer is hear to TEACH me something. I am here to learn and it's my job to stay in tune with my body and spirit
so that I can stay on the healing track. My body has been screaming out to me for a LONG time. It needed me to change SO desperately. The canSer is simply the LOUDEST way my body new to get my attention. I FIRMLY believe that if I embrace the lesson, change my habits and lifestyle, grow and move past the canSer, it [the canSer] will also move on in peace. No fighting necessary! :) The canSer is my teacher. When I fought with a teacher in school, I got sent to the Principal's Office. I have NO intention of finding out the grown up, canSer-is-your-teacher's version of what a Principal is. Best to just let the instructor instruct, and be the good student I know I am!!

Mother Theresa said (and I paraphrase here) "Someone once asked me

why I never attend Anti-War rallies. I said, invite me to a Pro-PEACE rally and I will BE THERE!" She beautifully and simply relates how easy it is to accoplish the SAME goal, but with a more POSITIVE and PEACEFUL outlook! If we focus on the negative, we will get more negative. If we focus on PEACE (the positive) we get more of what we ACTUALLY WANT!  I don't want to focus on FIGHTING the canSer. I need PEACE in my life now more than ever!! This in NO way means I have given up!! I am DILIGENTLY working on my diet and exercise, plus doing all that my Oncologist and other physicians tell me to do, but my focus is on GIVING my body what it NEEDS. Not FIGHTING what it doesn't need [the canSer]. MUUUUUCH better ENERGY!!! Give it what it needs and your body will take care of everything else, I say! Am I making sense??

I am SOOOO excited as I leave tomorrow for San Diego!!! It's Isa's 2011 Celebration, and I will be SURROUNDED with friends I haven't seen since January and others I have NEVER EVEN MET! I have grown SO close to them through Facebook, conference calls and phone conversations though! Oh how I wish you ALL could be there, but to those of you that will be there...please find me!! Message me on my FB page and I will send you my cell number, we can text and meet up!! :) PLEASE do NOT worry when you see me in a "go cart" (I am calling it that to make my self feel cooler) I am at stage 4 Breast canSer because it has spread to my bones, and there are many bones in my body that have fractured and healed (or healing), my hip and pelvis included. I have to be VERY careful how far I walk, it's SO HARD! I LOOVE to walk!! I am in no where NEAR the amount of pain I was in when I finished that 5k in Oct 2010, but now that I know there is a HUGE chance I could fracture my hip, I have to be careful. So, to those of you that saw me in January, don't worry!! Things are NOT worse, they are actually BETTER!! I know KNOW why I was in SOOO much pain in January [the canSer] and I am in treatment, ANNNND I have a "go cart" to keep me off my feet for the majority of the time so I will be safe from hurting myself!!! Sooooo!!! Here's to a FANTASTIC week!!! LET'S ROCK THE HOUSE DOWN!!! I can't WAIT to screeeeeeem my LUNGS out when Dana get's on that stage as the first 400lb club member!! I am already crying sitting here thinking about it!!!! The cool thing is.....I will be up there on stage with her while she's doing it!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! JUST AWESOME!!!!! xoxoxoxo